Life in this moment…

{entertaining, odd, and hopefully not too far away from reality}

Release February 26, 2009

Filed under: everyday life — Lindsey @ 12:32 am

Tonight at church we had Cardboard Testimonies.  I’ve been thinking about what I would write on my piece of cardboard for quite some time and yesterday I wrote down a phrase but it still didn’t quite seem to fit. This afternoon I used a different piece of cardboard and wrote: Selfish & on autopilot….more awake and inspired to love God’s kids.

I’ve been wrestling with this whole concept of being on autopilot…sleeping through life…choosing the easy path.

My housemate shared with me yesterday why she thinks TV is such an easy choice for her…it’s because it does the choosing.  The time of the shows is set, the next show is already there, it is always ready to entertain you and you don’t have to work to make it happen.  I think there are many things in my life that are like this and they all suck me in.

I go through phases of being in autopilot unfortunately rarely do I know that I am in autopilot until I’ve been released from it:
I know I am not in autopilot…
when I am inspired by something….
when I am creating something…
when I am engaged in something bigger than me…
when I have goals I’m working towards…
when I am not consumed by things that mean nothing  and fade away(going a little Ecclesiastical or Thoreau-ian on ya)

God has done it before in me…Jesus’ extravagant grace has released me from autopilot…and I am asking Him to do it again.

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inward… February 23, 2009

Filed under: everyday life — Lindsey @ 11:18 pm

I feel like I am on the brink of something…
but that I don’t leave room for the discovery.

I grow consumed by approval and what people think…
even when I have tried very hard to think through something for myself and intentionally not for what others will think. I feel good…then someone adds their wisdom and I feel like an idiot again.

I want to release the burden of explaining myself or feeling like I have to…

I want Jesus’ voice to be the only voice of assurance that I long for and to be satisfied when I hear it…

I want to stop feeling the need to always be improving…

yet…

Stop talking so others can be heard
Stop running and breathe
Stop wasting time in avoidance and show up
Be intentional
Be undivided

these voices keep coming reminding me how flawed and broken I am…all intended to encourage and build up…yet my heart is heavy as they cut through what I thought had been revealed to my heart.

They cause me to doubt what Jesus and I have been talking about…I begin to second guess if I really hear God or just what I want to hear…

I am looking forward to this season…I am thankful for the freedom to admit my failures and flaws and pursue God’s heart…I pray that our methods of surrender and pursuit will be healing to our souls and that we will see ourselves grow more into the likeness of Jesus.