Life in this moment…

{entertaining, odd, and hopefully not too far away from reality}

defined… September 22, 2010

Filed under: awakenings,everyday life,the altar — Lindsey @ 1:00 am

It was a great weekend.
Sunshiney, full, outdoorsy, Jesus exposing, relational, inspiring, creative, and delightful.

I didn’t realize how wonderful the weekend was until I was driving to class on monday and tears of joy were slipping down my cheeks  in my car as I was thanking Jesus for what he’d been doing in my heart.
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I re-read “Running on Empty” by Fil Anderson on Sunday night and was inspired by the transparency he shared with me as his reader. It was healing to read of one believer’s walk with the Lord and his willingness to confess his need to find quiet, encouragement, forgiveness, and balance.
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I’ve been feeling pretty good about life these past few months…I’ve been trying to be healthy, intentional about spending time in the Word, persistent in setting up fun plans with fun people, and have had many fun nights of being creative. It has been so good. Then the beginning of September hit and I was anxious, tight, still doing all of the above but filled with doubts about whether I was ready enough for the things coming the next day/week/month, overwhelmed by my need to be fully prepared and un-criticizable. This was where God used Fil to convict my heart.

He asked me “who defines you?…where do you find your worth?”

I like to think I am beyond definition…that I can’t be pinned down by words or labels. I ideally want to stay outside the box…hipster, independent, creative, quirky…but these are definitions. {and we know that in all honesty I am as predictable as they come, a serious creature of habit and tradition} And for the most part these adjectives are rooted in my comparison with others, they reveal my inner desire to be found worthy in how i dress, by what i do, by what i create, and by what i can accomplish…instead of by my creator/savior/protector/definer…Jesus.

I was “doing” great these past few months and God has been moving in my “doing”…
today I am seeking to “be” …defined by His presence in my life, defined by His work in my heart, defined by His and my time together.

My tears in my car were a response to how wonderful it felt to simply be with Jesus. I have been experiencing joy in conversations with people about how they are doing and been experiencing joy as I prepare for ministry currently unburdened by anxiety that I won’t be good enough. My prayer is that this freedom may continue tomorrow…and that I may be a sharer of this freedom…that my descriptors would be rooted in His definition of me as HIS.

{chosen, jesus follower, lover, servant, freedom bringer, creator, unique, praise filled….hipster, quirky, utterly dependent 🙂 }

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